Love tastes Sweeter than ForbiddenFruitfed Fantasy
by DMrockslikecupcakes
Summary: Andrew comforts a grief stricken Xander, with unexpected results. Care becomes the foundations of something beautiful


Continued idea from last Andrew/Xander ship story. Best Aprecciated as the next chapter.

I stared thoughtfully out of my rented apartment window to the glistening lights of the city, the sea of colour that reached from Beverly Hills to Chino, these dots of colour which told me I wasn't alone in the world. It almost resembled Christmas at the Summers' house as each light began to seem reminiscent of the bulbs our that tree. I couldn't help but smile about that wonderful memory. I felt so welcome, like part of the family. Xander had carefully read his limited edition X-men comic from Anya, making sure not to finger mark the pages, whilst I gleefully un-wrapped my cookbook. What a day. The lens on this memory was tainted by roses sweet, red & blossomy, like my passion for him, but I didn't care, every minute with Xander was seen with this beautiful vision. The moments that seem mundane to the casual observer become extraordinary, they become events like Woodstock, my own personal collection of life altering moments.

I continued staring out of the window at the beautiful city. I thought about all of the people whose bedrooms to me looked like an almighty wave of Christmas lights. How many of them had what they really wanted in life? How many had seen their hearts most potent desire come to life? Did they right now have their lights on for some late night love makin'? To stare deep into the beautiful eyes of the one whom they have always wanted & wordlessly tell them that they couldn't be more content than they are at this moment. Hopefully someone out there has been braver than me. I need to think more about our world than that is full of cowards. I needed someone out there to be my hero, probs why I love comics. I need to aspire to someone better.

Just then, upon a self-loathing thought I saw a perfect figure creep through my bedroom door. It was Xander. Somewhere inside me a Dido CD gently started to play. No more like a live Dido acoustic performance began in my heart. His modest sleepwear covered anything that would have sent me into hyperventilation, but it was still hard to take in this much beauty with my tired eyes. His meaty, manly legs seemed almost comical as they tiptoed into my room. He was a bit off balance & he was no ballerina, but this hopeless attempt at grace only endeared him to me more. 'Hey Andrew, I can't sleep...I guess you can't either.' I saw that nostalgic, yet doomed look in his eyes; he had a busy head too .It was rush hour in both of our heads, did that make us kindred spirit? That our inner radii' were both tuned between stations. I gestured to that giant space in my double bed, covered in metaphorical cobwebs. 'You'll have to shake off the dust; I don't get too many guests.'

I knew what Xander needed, Comfort. I'm not talking about the porno variety, though that might be nice, he didn't need sex, he needed some best friend talk. He climbed under the covers admiring the Star Trek design. He looked into my eyes his pupils seemed to shake. He was terrified. 'I can't stop thinking about Anya. I feel so guilty'

I began caressing his hand as I held his gaze, tracing long curving patterns with my finger tips. 'Xander, remember when we watched American Beauty and Lester was shot, and it was sad, but we didn't cry because we knew that it was all ok, that he had lived his life & truly lived in his last months. Exploring every fantasy, getting things off his chest, being honest & frank about everything, breaking societies binds over him' Xander nodded, he knew where I was going with this. 'Well, Anya she was so forthright, she didn't hold grudges or take any secrets to her grave. She's peaceful now, No regrets.' I held his hand firmly as I concluded with 'I'm sure of it'.

Xander met my gaze again after a long moment of reflection 'You really, really care about me, don't you? You always try to file & organise my messy brain, to save me from whatever' You're like my anchor, you don't let the waves swallow me up, you keep me here' I felt a leak, a droplet of the elixir of love escape my eye. I hadn't noticed, I was too mesmerised, and this wasn't real. He kept talking, oh bless you great dude in the clouds for letting this dream continue. 'Lester, Anya I idolize them, they aren't scared, they see the right path & they don't shy away, the one that will give us what we need, our fantasy.' 'Your mine, Andrew'. His face was glowing now, a terrified grin on his face. I could tell it was his heart verses his brain, 'It's been hard for me to think clearly around you, you're so kind you give me so much courage, so much hope. I'm going to use your borrowed courage now, to tell you, here it goes... I love you.'' Wow, like a Band-Aid, with no after burn'

'Andrew. Andrew?' Xander was looking me now with worry lines creasing up his beautiful forehead. 'I don't expect you to feel the same...no pressure, I just can't hold it in anymore, it's making me crazy I spend every moment, wishing and wanting and wondering if we could be more. If we can't, I'll get over it.' 'I know that you try to spare my feelings, it's who you are, but what do you really want?''Do you want me?'

What could I say, the red velvet carpet of my fantasy was being rolled out on front of me & could I be brave enough to take my first step along it? 'I'm totally speechless, my mind is just a warm, and honey flavoured mush right now.' Xander stared hopefully into my moist eyes. I'm going to let my arms do the talking 'I gleefully squealed. I swung my arms round Xander excitedly & held that embrace. I felt his arms quickly cling to my back; he had wanted to hug me for a while. The much anticipated embrace said it all; he knew I felt the same. This would forever be the most perfect moment of my 22 years of life. It was the most photographic, loving moment ever, I just wanted to frame it & glue it to my bedroom wall. I knew right then how lucky I was to have survived the big apocalypse, that there was a plan for me & I mattered. I wasn't a nerd or a loner at that moment; I was a beautiful person worthy of his love.

Wow... someone loves me, this changes everything. It changes the way I feel about me. If Xander can find something about me to love, maybe I'm not such a lost cause after all. I feel like me today not some wannabe supervillian, or some horny, sheep boy who fakes it to get people to like him. I mean me, as I am, comic books included, is enough for someone and that's... wow.


End file.
